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April 13, 2012

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This is what I wrote for my church's magazine. A short and concise life testimony (I have to edit out a lot to fit in that one page limit) that I'm a bit embarassed to share, but feel urged to make known here. Welcome to my life..

Enjoy :)

As a starting point, I’ve become a believer since July 2009. Got saved in Hillsong Conference and my life has never been the same ever since. Previously? A total sceptic, a self-proclaimed agnostic, and is extremely cynical about Christianity.

I’m not a journalist, nor am I a historian. But I was so convinced of my knowledge in humanity and the world. I told people that religion exists only because deep down in our soul, we need excuses to pardon ourselves from our mistakes. I believed that humans crave an existence of God to feel secure about the unknown future, to feel good about our imperfections, to feel satisfied about our living situations. To feel. I also believed that even if God does exist, it wouldn’t concern me at all.

But everything changed in 2009. In that year, my world was turned upside down for many reasons. Relationship failures, family blows, academic struggles, lost friendships, everything climaxed in that year. I felt so helpless and broken, wandering aimlessly in life without dreams, hopes, and the future seems so bleak. Being awake was painful, being alive was a burden. Technically, I was chronically depressed.

I was never the expressive type, never. As a child, I was never equipped with abilities to handle failures and conflicts. Over the time I found it even harder to show my affection to people. I became extremely distrustful and insecure toward people. Outwardly, things seem to be okay, because I didn’t let people go deep into my heart. I became a relationship skeptic. I lost my true love.

Then I meet God.

Then I become a believer, become convinced of my ignorance in humanity. Then I start telling people that deep down in our soul, we’ve always searched for God, one existence that is the true, living God. That we need God to continue living in peace, to understand His plans for our future, to understand our imperfections, to understand the reasons behind our circumstances. To understand, how beautifully and wonderfully made we are. Then I believe that even if Jesus doesn’t exist, I will still search for God.

Now, I’m still struggling on relationship issues, with family, friends, and life partner. But I am certain that God will provide me with the best of life. I live a life rich of dreams, hopes, and the future seems so bright. Being awake is excitement, being alive is a gift.

I’m still learning to express my emotions well, and to handle conflicts better. I’m still fighting for wisdom, and over the time I find it even harder to stop giving my all in loving people. I become extremely reliant and confident toward people. Inwardly, God shapes me so much because I let Him goes deep into my heart. I become a relationship dreamer. I’ve found my true love.

So guys, wherever you are in life right now, just believe that God knows the plans He has for you, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Know that all things work together for the good of those who love Him. Whatever problems you have now, believe that God is in control, that He knows what is good for you and wants you to get the best out of life.

This article’s theme? The Process.

Life is a journey of ups and downs. We’re constantly shaped and matured in the process. Mistakes are your greatest assets in life! They are the building blocks and references for future happenings! Cherish them, learn from your failures, and keep moving on!

Believe in dreams.

Ask, and you shall receive.

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